And
the men in the study didn’t even notice the rise in temperature, by the
way. Probably because they were too busy updating their Facebook pages
with comments like, "Check it out, I’m actually getting paid to roast my
nuts for the advancement of science!"

In the world of temperature-sensitive sperm production, 2.5 C is equivalent to a scrotum barbeque cook-off. And all it takes is a little laptop computing to send temperatures soaring.

Reuters
reported that Belkin International, Inc., makers of laptop computer
cooling pads, "…did not wish to comment on the new findings." (http://www.reuters.com/article/idUS…)

No
surprise there. This is dangerous territory for marketers. After all,
there’s really no way to spin this story in a positive direction. Even
if Belkin unleashed ads such as, "Feeling the heat? We keep your scrotum
cool," they would be hit with complaints about lewd marketing tactics.

It turns out the biggest determining factor of whether a laptop computer heats up your testicles is your leg position while computing. I’m not making this up: Researchers found the best position was to spread your legs wide while computing in order to dissipate heat and cool your man-crotch.

Just what we need in the airports, huh? First you get felt up by the TSA with their high-security crotch sweeps (http://www.naturalnews.com/030100_n…),
and then you have to walk past a bunch of health-conscious compu-geeks
sitting spread-eagle in the passenger waiting area because they’re
hoping to remain fertile in case they ever actually meet a girl in the
real world and not just in adult chat rooms.

We need to all get together and blame somebody for this mess, of course. It’s the American way. And I say we should all blame Intel
because obviously it’s the CPU that’s generating most of the heat in a
typical laptop. The harder you push the CPU, the more heat your computer
dumps out. In our litigious society, I’m sure it’s only a matter of
time before somebody tries to sue Intel for their infertility problems.

And
for all the women reading this who have men you’re trying to conceive
with, you might explain to them that in addition to fried foods and
pharmaceuticals damaging sperm quality, now they have to worry about where they’re holding their laptop computers,
too. If you catch your man with a computer on his lap, shove some ice
packs down the front of his shorts until he gets the message. I
guarantee you this will get his attention.

Because men who can’t keep their junk cool are actually practicing a form of laptop birth control.
Although the drop in sperm quality from laptop heat isn’t considered
permanent, it’s technically a form of short-term sperm suppression. Sort
of like soaking your sack in a hot tub for twenty minutes (hopefully
with the rest of your body along with it).

All this makes me wonder, by the way, if laptop manufacturers might start engineering their computers
to offer better scrotum protection for their male customers. "Now with
Windows 7, Norton Anti-Virus, and Scrotum Protector Plus!"

Or
maybe there will be a new, downloadable edition of Windows that uses
fewer CPU cycles and will be branded "Windows 7 Ultimate Scrotum Pro for
Men" and bundled with a new macho face shaver sporting not four, not
five, but NINE rotating blades powered by a 200-amp car battery.

Quick, somebody register CrotchCooler.com and invent heat-conducting copper underwear that can dissipate crotch heat out the sides of your pants. Or roll out a new line of water-cooled "Bro shorts" featuring hot male models sporting ripped six-packs. "I’m cool," the ad says. "And so is my scrotum."