Osirian Initiation – My Trip to the Hospital

There are a lot of associations between Osiris and Jesus.

Invocation of Osiris:

"I am Osiris Onnophris who is found perfect before the Gods. I hath
said: These are the elements of my Body perfected through suffering,
glorified through trial. The scent of the dying Rose is as the repressed
sigh of my Suffering. And the flame-red Fire as the energy of mine
undaunted Will. And the Cup of Wine is the pouring out of the blood of
my heart, sacrificed unto Regeneration, unto the newer life. And the
bread and salt are as the foundations of my body, which I destroy in
order that they may be renewed.

I am He who is clothed with the
body of flesh yet in whom flames the spirit of the eternal Gods. I am
the Lord of Life. I am triumphant over Death, and whosoever partaketh
with me shall with me arise. I am the manifester in Matter of Those
whose abode is the Invisible. I am the purified. I stand upon the
Universe. I am it’s Reconciler with the eternal Gods. I am the Perfector
of Matter, and without me the Universe is not.”

Near death
experiences are therefore Osirian Initiations and are opportunities to
resurrect yourself at a higher spiritual level.

The Hospital

As I mentioned in a previous email, in June I spent a week in the
hospital. I experienced lot of really amazing spiritual and physical
events. My symptoms stretched from head to toe and confused the medical
staff. My eyes were swollen completely shut for the first two days, I
had a sinus infection, trouble breathing (pneumonia) and totally messed
up blood chemistry – my blood was so thick that they couldn’t get more
than 3 ml out of me at first, a heart rate of about 110 bpm (thick blood
will do that). I was unable to eat (my digestion hadn’t worked right
for a long time), my joints were all really painful, especially my
swollen legs, ankles and feet.

The day before I entered the
hospital I had some blood tests done in anticipation of having a
colonoscopy (an endoscopic examination of the colon). After getting the
results of my blood work the doctor called my home. Luckily, a friend of
mine was there because I would have slept through the call. She was
told to take me immediately to the Emergency Room. I was only
semi-conscious and really didn’t want to have to go anywhere. I was
unable to walk and even with the crutches another friend had brought me
it was excruciatingly painful to move. My memory is a bit foggy but
somehow I ended up in the Cardiac Critical Care Unit with two I.V.s,
about six heart rate monitor things stuck all over my chest and sides
and an oxygen tube in my nose.

I truly learned surrender. I
knew there was absolutely nothing that my local, human self could
control. I relaxed and gave it over to whoever was running the show. I
got to experience lots of embarrassment and shame (my favorite). It’s
true what one nurse told me, “Honey, there’s no dignity in the
hospital.” And I got to experience the loving care of the nursing angels
who gently cleaned up after me and told me that they do this all the
time, it’s no big deal.

The Visions

Luckily, there
was a fabulous show going on behind my closed eyelids! Perhaps it was
that I hadn’t had enough sleep recently to dream (which can lead to
waking visions) or maybe it was a gift from Isis who sends energy from
her star, Sirius.

In the book of Thoth there are formulae for
triggering a metamorphic process that would allow the Ka, or Spirit-Soul
to form an "immortal body of light", not subject to the limitations of
the 3-D, physical world. From the description of the state induced by
these herbs infused with this Sirian Ray, it sounds like the chemicals
that are produced in the body when we experience strong emotions like
love. One of these chemicals, PEA is also produced by the breakdown of
tissue during the fasting process and when the body is critically ill.
PEA may be responsible for triggering the visions that many people
experience at these times.

Whatever the cause, I was enjoying
my visions. Trips on a gurney for CT Scans, for X-rays etc. were
adventures. (To me the CT scanner looked like the Star Gate on TV,
“woohoo – where am I going?”) The changing lights and sounds as they
wheeled me around triggered my imagination to provide scenes in caves,
castles and on space ships. The unexpected drop in an elevator let me
know it was time to land the ship.  My hospital room was an elegantly
and extravagantly decorated Turkish bed chamber. When they turned off
the lights I’d see intricate, ever-changing tile designs. I “watched”
the energy of the consciousness of the room change as different people
came in. Orderlies did not get much response, the nurses made the room
pay attention but when a doctor came in the room would almost swoon!
It’s hard to describe, but I could perceive the energy flows shift and
swirl around the doctors. Within the medical system doctors are Gods,
and hospitals are their temples (and they know it).

Regardless
of all the icky medical stuff, embarrassment and pain, I was feeling
really quite content. I even felt warm and fuzzy toward the people who
came in at about 5 a.m. every morning to draw blood. I felt safe, loved
and loving. I was going with the flow. (For those of you who are
thinking it’s because of the drugs, I wasn’t getting anything “good”. I
had two kind of antibiotics, glucose, saline and other electrolytes
intravenously. Three times they tried morphine IV and all three times I
felt absolutely nothing. No grogginess or any relief from the pain. Go
figure… They did give me Vicodin, but not a lot of it and I’ve never
gotten high or felt all loving when I’ve had it before.)

The Diagnosis

It was on the third day that things changed. I was able to open a
little bit of my right eye enough to see what the hospital room really
looked like. Yuck! My gastroenterologist came in and scared the shit out
of me (if I’d had any left in there at this point). He’s obviously very
smart (he used all those big medical terms) and good at what he does,
but there was no emotional connection at all. He told me about all the
really bad stuff that could be wrong with me. I could read nothing from
his serious deadpan face. My mind interpreted this to mean that my
situation was so bad that he didn’t have any hope at all. That was not
so fun.

Saint Germain

Luckily a doctor I hadn’t met
before came in shortly afterwards. He was my “hospitalist”, which means
that he acts like (as he put it) the quarterback during my stay in the
hospital. He oversaw all the specialists, kept them informed about what
the others were doing, monitored my tests and progress and explained to
me, in terms that I, a non-doctor, could understand. He also happened to
be really cute! As I listened to him talk I felt better. Through my
limited view through a fifth of my right eyelid I watched his face
change. He had a beard that wasn’t there before and there was great love
radiating from his eyes. I realized that I was now in the presence of
Saint Germain. I don’t remember the words, but he let me know that none
of that “scary stuff” was going to happen and I was going to be fine. He
also let me know that there was a reason for this experience, I hadn’t
messed up, and I would eventually know what all this was about. Thank
you Saint Germain.

Some of the procedures and experiences were
unpleasant to really painful, but I didn’t get caught up in the trauma
or drama. I knew I was ultimately safe and that everything that was
happening was as it was supposed to be. This is a real blessing during
these dramatic times, to maintain that spiritual level of awareness.

Over the next few days almost all of the tests came back negative. My
colon isn’t doing so well and I’m still dealing with that but my heart,
lungs, liver, eyes etc. are just fine. The hospitalist (I’ll call him
Dr. McDreamy) paid extra attention to me, telling the nurses what a
wonderful woman I was. Despite everything that I’d gone through, he
said, I was always pleasant and kind. He gave them instructions to take
extra good care of me. The poor guy didn’t know what hit him. I think
Saint Germain put the whammy on him!

Recovery

I
remember the morning I woke up hungry. It was wonderful! I hadn’t been
hungry in a long time. Usually I’m not too fond of eggs, but that
morning, the first day I was brought food, there was a half sphere of
slightly slimy scrambled eggs and a blueberry muffin on my plate. I
couldn’t eat much, but I thought those four bites of scrambled egg were
the best thing ever. Curiously, I have liked scrambled ever since.

Finally, after seven days, I was granted permission to go home. By then
I was really tired of being in the hospital. I got special training on
how to use crutches since I still couldn’t put weight on my left leg and
had prescriptions for iron and folic acid to take care of get my anemia
as well medicine to sooth my digestive tract.

I’m so thankful
for my sister, who came all the way from her home in Africa to take care
of me. I was weak as a kitten, sleeping a lot and only able to stand up
for a few minutes at a time. She kept me well fed and hydrated, took
care of the kids and the house and listened while I talked about all the
stuff I’d been through.

Chiron Return: The Core Wound

And now I’m at the place where I’m feeling so much better and I’ve
gotten lots of “ah ha’s” about this whole experience. On one level, I
was going through what’s called the Chiron Return (in my 6th house of
health and work). Chiron is a planetoid named after a centaur who was
known for his wisdom and his abilities as a healer. He was accidentally
wounded by an arrow that had been treated with the blood of the monster
Hydra. This meant that the wound would never heal but at the same time,
being immortal, Chiron couldn’t die. In his search for his own cure, he
learned how to heal others. (Does this sound familiar?) So Chiron is
known as the Wounded Healer. Eventually Chiron gave up his immortality
in order to end his suffering.

When the planetoid Chiron
returns to the same place that it was in your Natal (birth) Chart (at
about age 50), it catalyzes a process that restarts the ‘spiritual path’
on an essential level by exposing your core wound. By exploring and
healing your core wound you are able to begin a new path without the
wound.

For me the core wound had to do with Medical Doctors
delivering a devastating diagnosis and prognosis. When I was 5 my mother
was diagnosed with breast cancer and given only a 50% chance of living
another 5 years. While this specific information wasn’t shared with me,
being empathic, I knew it was really bad. My mother really hated and
distrusted doctors. All sorts of bad things happened after that. My
parents got divorced, my Mom, my sister and I moved and my homemaker Mom
went back to school to get her Master’s Degree while also working full
time. We were poor, alone and forced to eat only healthy food. Mom was
terrified that the slightest bit of sugar, white flour, pesticides or
artificial color would be disastrous. We were raised to fear most food.
(My mom lived another 20 years, until her daughters were adults and
married or engaged.)

We moved a lot for the next few years. I
was a shy and lonely fifteen-year-old when I got my depressing diagnosis
and prognosis, scoliosis (curvature of the spine). The medical doctors
wanted to fuse a bunch of my vertebrae but we went to a chiropractor
instead. I was told that I was lucky to not be paralyzed and that I
would never be able to run, walk far or be out of constant treatment –
for the rest of my life. The worst part was that he told me that I could
never ride horses again. My horse was the most important part of my
life. Being with horses was the only place that I felt confident and
talented. My natural empathic abilities were an asset instead of a
detriment when I was with my much-loved horse. A whole lot of really bad
and sad stuff happened to me after that. I was devastated.

During my time in the hospital recently, I was presented again with a
dismal diagnosis and prognosis. “Dr. Scary” was talking about powerful
medications with bad side effects, nasty surgeries, and potential for
cancer or my needing a liver transplant. Geez! Thank you again, Saint
Germain for helping me to not get caught up in that version of reality.

A few days later I had a dream about my horse. He told me that he
forgave me for leaving him there (in his paddock) for all these years
and that he understood why. I cried and cried after that. I realized
that a part of me believed that I was a cripple and had to be really
careful with my body or at least that I couldn’t be an athlete. Of
course this wounding, as with the story of Chiron, sent me on a search
for healing and I became a healer myself. This is a perfect example of
how a Chiron Return can manifest.

Eventually, after spending
some time processing some emotional stuff (you know what I mean) I came
to a decision point. I have had confidence in myself mentally and
spiritually but I was not so confident about my physical body. I
realized that I was kind of expecting to continue having physical
discomfort and challenges (as I always have) for the rest of my life. My
body basically said that she doesn’t want to live anymore if that’s the
way it’s going to be. Then I saw another potential future with a
vibrant, energetic, fun-loving, healthy body. I chose life with a
healthy body. I am choosing to do those things that I didn’t think I
could do. Even though I don’t know exactly how to get there from here, I
know that I will.